Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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