What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Randomize
