Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
