is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
