Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
