I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
