No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
