I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
