And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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