Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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