I'm eating all of the evidence.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
