My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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