I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
