Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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