Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
