i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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