My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
