I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
