just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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