Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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