New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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