Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
