what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
