I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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