Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Randomize
