I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
