Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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