epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
