seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
