If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
