Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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