in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
