...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Buhtt sex?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
