I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize