I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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