South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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