Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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