at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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