KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
