You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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