Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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