Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
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