I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
