piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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