I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
