My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
There are leaves in my underwear?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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