How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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