Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
