I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
