Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
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