Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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