I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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