Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Randomize
