no, he came in my armpit
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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