u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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