he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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