This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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