I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
