Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
