at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
