I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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