i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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