I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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