Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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