trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
