Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize