Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize