I can tuck mytits in my pants
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You were trust falling into bushes
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
