News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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