Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize