Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
