so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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